Agent Mom

“Each of us tends to think we see things the way they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are – or, as what we are conditioned to see.” – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I’m re-reading some books that were impactful at some point in my life. As a new college graduate, I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and took away some great lessons. As I’m reading it now, different points seems to jump out.

After sharing the quote above, Stephen Covey talks about how there are times in our life that we experience a paradigm shift, sometimes suddenly.

Recently I spent a week at Disney with my family. One day we came upon a street band in one of the parks. My kids perked up and listened, but my attention focused on a woman across the crowd dancing with reckless abandon with one of her kids. I mean, she was really into this…and she really lacked any rhythm. I snickered and pointed her out to Joel. He grabbed his FLIP video camera and starting shooting as we laughed. Surely our friends at home would enjoy a good laugh over this.

But suddenly as some of the crowd moved, we noticed the buttons and t-shirts the lady and her child were wearing…”Make a Wish”, as in “The Make a Wish Foundation.” As we looked closer, it became obvious that her child was very ill. Joel put down his camera and starting trying to delete the recording. I was speechless and embarassed.

In one moment, we went from viewing this lady as kinda nutty to seeing the situation for what it really was….a mom totally focused on enjoying a “Wish Come True” day (among what could be a limited number of days) with her child.

We were wrong. It makes me wonder how many times in life I don’t see things for what they truly are. Maybe I’m too busy judging or too caught up in my point of view to really see the whole picture.

I’m sure there comes a point in every parent’s life that you hear something come out of your mouth and wonder, “Did I really just say that?” For me, it isn’t just the realization that I sound like my mom. I already know that not only do I sound like her, I think like her, act like her, and well…I am her. And  that’s not a bad thing.

But it never ceases to amaze me how many instructions I have to give my children that I would assume are obvious. Here’s a few recent examples:

“Stop drinking the bath water!”

“Take your fork out of your shirt and eat your dinner.”

“We can’t go home yet. We paid for three more days at Disney World. And we’re going to enjoy it!”

“Quit licking your sister.”

“Don’t wipe your nose on MY shirt.”

Is it just me? Heard yourself say anything crazy lately?

With Mother’s Day this weekend, it sometimes feels like red carpet award season for moms. Everyone relives the greatest moments of the year and nominates their favorite in the category “World’s Greatest Mom.” This year I’d love to just place. Honorable mention would be fine. Really ANY mention would be fine.

About a year ago I decided to go back to work full-time which has made this year extremely rewarding, totally challenging and definitely exhausting. We’ve had a lot to learn about juggling schedules and making time to spend together as a family.

Along the way, we’ve had highs and lows. So to celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share some of the highlights -

* We decided to spend some great quality time together and took an 11-day (yes, that’s 11!) trip to Disney World. Ever heard the phrase “too much of a good thing?”

* There was the day I forgot pajama day at my 2-year-old’s day school. It wouldn’t be so bad (honestly, she couldn’t care less) except the teacher announced in front of all the other mommies at pick-up that poor Macy was the ONLY one who didn’t have her pajamas on. Yes, everyone, I am a total LOSER mom!

* One night I was getting extremely frustrated at my husband for taking SO long to put our 5-year-old to bed. After asking him to hurry several times, I finally yelled, “She HAS to go to bed.” He yelled back to me, “Would you give us a minute?? SHE’S ASKING HOW TO HAVE JESUS IN HER HEART!!!” Yep…just how we imagined that special moment for our daughter.

* I walked into the bathroom one day to see the 2-year-old scrubbing inside the toilet with her toothbrush. I was horrified and yelled “NO!” She took one look at me and quickly stuck it right back in her mouth.

* And just tonight I decided to save a bit of time and money and cut my daughter’s hair myself. She is now all business in the front, party in the back.

So we’ve made it through another year full of first days of kindergarten and potty training. I really treasure these mishaps as much as the perfect family moments. We love to laugh at ourselves which is how I know that we’ll make it through next year and the next.

Lord, thanks for trusting me with two precious lives. Please help me keep my sense of humor.

Anyone else care to share a parent “moment”?

This is really tough for me, but I’m learning to admit that I’m a work in progress. And as a work in progress, I’m not….perfect. There I said it.

I have always been a perfectionist. I vividly remember crying in my seat in third grade because a math problem was challenging to me. I wanted everything to come easily and I wanted an A+.

As I grew up, the struggle continued in different areas. As a newlywed, I tried so hard to make everyone think that we were the perfect couple – no arguing, no financial struggles, none of the common newlywed “issues.” The truth was that we fought more during our first year of newlywed “bliss” than we have at any other point in our marriage. And I remember heading to the scratch and dent grocery store with $25 to purchase two weeks of groceries.

As a new mom, I wanted nothing more than to show up at church with the smiling baby all fixed up, myself dressed to perfection and just smile and say “We’re doing great. She’s sleeping through the night already” when my amazed friends asked how I could have a newborn and be put so together.

Reality found me toting around baby weight with nothing in my closet that fit. And my perfect baby – well, she did sleep through the night early on, but that was the only thing that kept me sane since she cried every waking moment. I was crushed when I overheard someone at church say, “That is the grouchiest baby I’ve every met.”

A year ago I went back to work full-time. I am blessed to have a job I love. I am grateful to have an opportunity to work with so many amazing ministries and leaders. But again I find myself in a zone of perfectionism. I’d like to be super woman. I want everyone to be amazed that I have it all! But the truth is that every day is a struggle.

I often feel guilty that I’m not giving as much to my job as I did before I had kids. I often struggle to remain connected and spend quality time with my kids at the end of the day when I am exhausted. And there are many things that I don’t have time for anymore. I have had to resign from volunteer positions. I rarely have time to sit over a cup of coffee with a friend. And I have to dust my treadmill off before I use it once a month.

The last few years God continues to deal with me on the issue of pride. When I realize that the root of all my attempts at perfection is pride, it looks a little different. Rather than disguising it as an attempt to “give it my all” or “be the best I can be,” I now realize that this has nothing to do with others and everything to do with my selfish desires.

What a relief to know that I can let go of the super-woman syndrome. I was created to bring glory to God. My attempt at perfectionism is not an attempt to bring glory to God, but rather to bring glory to Shannon. In fact, it takes away my ability to rely on God and therefore stifles the ways He can use me. When I turn everything – the perfect, the imperfect and the grouchy baby – over to Him, He can be glorified.

Happy Valentine’s Day! After 12 years of marriage, I can say with great certainty that I love and respect my husband Joel even more today than when I married him at the juvenile age of 20.

Here are a few reasons I love my husband:

1. Have you seen him? I mean, come on. I certainly don’t want to put too much emphasis on appearance, but in his mid-30’s, he still gets glances from teenage girls when he walks by. Yes, I notice. And no, I can’t blame them.

2. HE never notices when the girls look his way. Humility has never been one of my strongest attributes. I am constantly amazed at his ability to downplay a success or pass credit to someone else. I have so much to learn!

3. We’ve grown up together, in so many ways. I can remember our first date when I casually quipped, “I know your type!” I have probably never been more wrong in all my life. I was basing my judgment on his confidence. Little did I know that he was nothing like the cocky guy I expected.

4. Romance My husband sent me flowers every week (yes, literally EVERY week) during our 8-month engagement. The ladies at my work would tell me “Enjoy it while it lasts.” 12 years later, I’m happy to say that it lasted. I don’t get flowers every week (one look at his credit card statements once we were married but an end to that) but he still surprises me with flowers, gifts, notes and weekend getaways (note the picture above from a trip to NYC in the fall).

5. The “Metro” factor My husband is a perfect balance between metro and macho. At any given moment, he would have a difficult time deciding between a trip to the spa and a trip to watch a UFC fight.

6. The “Daddy” factor No matter how good-looking or romantic a man is, I know many women will agree with me that nothing is as attractive as a man that loves his children. I hear him talking to our baby as he rocks her at night and know that my girls will grow up knowing exactly what kind of man they should marry.

7. Spiritual leadership OK – maybe just one thing is more attractive than loving his children, and that is loving the Lord. I watch my husband take late night calls from college students in his college ministry or those in his small group. I see him reading, studying and seeking wisdom. I know he loves God way more than he loves me, and I couldn’t be happier!

8. Priorities Never in a million years would we have guessed 12 years ago that we’d be living where we live or doing what we do, but our priorities have always remained the same. We’ve been through some really tough things but keeping focus on what is important has been and will always be our anchor.

This weekend we were at our small group meeting when I heard a scream from the room where the kids were playing. And though our small group has more toddlers than a Jon & Kate episode, I immediately knew THAT scream. It was my 1-year-old. I literally leapt over the child gate and saw my daughter’s finger pinned in the frame of a closed door.

Apparently my 5-year-old daughter had gone into the restroom and unknowingly shut the door on her sister’s finger. The worst part was that, in spite of the scream, she locked the door and continued about her business!

So there I was pounding on the door, screaming “Open this door NOW!” And my sweet, usually compliant daughter kept responding “But m-o-m, I am going to the bathroom!”

As I thought about it later, I realized how strange it must have been to my 5-year-old that I was demanding she open the door at that very moment. But the next day, long after the finger had been determined not to be broken, we had a long conversation about obedience. It scared me so badly to think that in a moment of emergency, my daughter might not obey.

It really comes down to trust. My daughter has to learn to trust my judgment, even when it makes no sense.

Honestly, she gets it from me. I want to know why and when and how often…before I follow the instructions. And once I have all the info, I reserve the right to take some time and decide if I agree.

All too often the same applies to my trust in my heavenly father. I want all the facts. I can just imagine God saying, “Get off the toilet and open the door! Even though what you’re doing seems right to you, you don’t see the whole picture!”

What if as a child of God I quit explaining what I’m doing…or why I’m doing it…and just OBEYed?

Today I sat in a room with a group of men bragging about their blog rankings. Honestly, if I didn’t have to pick up a pack of diapers, take my daughter to the doctor with another ear infection, interview babysitters, and finish a marketing plan for a client presentation, I would just love to worry about where my little journal ranks amongst the estimated 10 million others.

In fact there are many things I would love to worry about – how to drop a few pounds, world peace, and finishing a well-intentioned baby scrapbook for my daughter who just turned five. But I often seem caught in this cycle of worrying about survival. Making sure my kids are fed dinner somehow makes it to the top of my priority list every night!

Earlier this week I had lunch with a new friend who is my age and admitted that she wasn’t sure she really wanted to have children. She loves her career and isn’t sure that she wants kids. I respect that decision as much as I respect all my great friends who work (so hard!) at home every single day.

The truth is – regardless of our choices on children and working, we all must make choices that reflect our priorities. When I put my computer down to play a board game with my daughter, it reflects my priorities. When I spent a little extra time putting finishing touches on a client project, it reflects my priorities. When I push aside the tax report pile on my desk to take a call from a friend in crisis, it reflects my priorities. And while I want to be everything to everybody, I can’t. There are days that simply meeting the survival needs of my family is a major accomplishment.

Don’t get me wrong – I love technology and am fascinated by the way social media continues to change the way we communicate. There are many opportunities to reach people with whom we might otherwise never come in contact.

But as long as I know where my priorities lie, I will never have to feel like a lesser human because my blog ranks lower than yours.