But the finish line was very much the starting gate. I’d be remiss if I ended our adoption journey with the joy of coming home. Our journey has just begun. And just like I’ve said many times the last year – adoption is not for the faint of heart. Bringing home two toddlers from a different culture, who aren’t used to being in a family setting, and who don’t speak your language is the greatest reward and the greatest challenge I’ve ever faced.

Judah talking on his phone.

I have the feeling we’ll look back at these first few months as the “survival period.” As hours and days pass, we’re celebrating the small things. Here are a few of our family victories from our first week as a family of 6:

1. Our toddlers’ hitting and spitting is on the decline.

2. We’ve all gotten out of bed every morning.

3. My daughters are fascinated with the new boys in our home. They want to help with everything from feeding to stinky diapers. Not sure how long this will last…but for now, it’s cause for celebration.

4. Nobody has missed a meal.

5. The boys are settling into a routine – they know where they sit at our table, where they sleep, when it is bathtime, etc. Structure is our friend!

6. Ceiling fans and cars are huge hits. Judah (age 2) notices the ceiling fan every time he walks into a new room, and Levi (age 1) is in car overload whenever we leave the house. When we drove downtown yesterday, he pointed out each and every car on the interstate during our 30 minute drive.

7. The full-fledged toddler temper tantrums (think Super Nanny here) that were so prevalent the first few days are almost non-existent.

8. Bedtime is easier. Now rather than leaving his bed 30 or 40 times before falling asleep, our 2-yr-old just stands on his toddler bed and yells at us in Amharic before lying down. I’m so glad I don’t understand what he’s saying.

9. Our tiny wiener dog no longer strikes fear and panic in my boys. They can tolerate seeing him through the glass door without screaming. Maybe someday we’ll even be able to let him back inside.

10. Joel and I have teamed up. With four kids in the home, we’re now outnumbered. We decided the only way we’re going to make it out alive is to stick together.

Thanks for caring about our family. Adoption isn’t all sunshine, roses and lullabies. It’s tough. It’s frustrating. And it’s challenging. But it’s also the way God chose to bring together our family, and we wouldn’t trade this for anything.

Levi (age 1.5) and Judah (age 2.5)

And now 8 weeks later, we continue to wait for approval to return to Ethiopia and bring them home. So this year I celebrate with two girls, thank God for two boys half a world away, and have faith that God is watching over them even when I can’t.

KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child’s Lullabye)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that’s how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are… what’s taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin…
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I’m doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you’ll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

by Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

Five years ago today was the darkest day of my life. On a morning drive on I-65 with my then 2-yr-old daughter Abby, a distracted teenage driver (there’s an entire post on this that I’ll refrain from for now) ran me into the median. My SUV tires hit gravel and immediately went from 70 mph to flipping 4 or 5 times. As the car came to a stop, my world stood still. I was conscious but disoriented, and within moments heard strangers shattering the sunroof to pull us out.

Some time in the Vanderbilt trauma unit, a couple of surgeries and a blood transfusion soon had me well enough to head home and begin the long recovery process.

Five years later, I have a pretty clear perspective in the rearview mirror and here’s what I know:

1. I would not trade the experience for anything. It gave me a new perspective on life, living, and eternal significance.

2. My marriage and family are forever stronger for the struggles that we went through together.

3. There is nothing that can happen to me that my faith and a personal relationship with God will not see me through.

4. I can empathize with people who are struggling, unsure of tomorrow or suffering anxiety in a way that would not be possible if I hadn’t been through a truly dark time.

5. I am honestly grateful for the pain and struggle.

If I had it to do all over again and had a choice, I think I would. Life is too short and without a wake-up call, we seem to drift through without purpose. Today I’m renewing my commitment to live with intention, realizing that few things are lasting and life is short.

After interviews, paperwork, and meetings, we were ready for our last step – the home visit. At this visit the social worker would meet our children, talk with them and tour our home. I honestly was not that worried. My kids are really good kids! They’re excited about the adoption and couldn’t wait for the visit. Little did I realize that “excitement” in a 7 and 3 year old can manifest itself in many ways. Here a few highlights:

• Our 3-yr-old Macy decided she wanted to strip off her clothes and put on her Cinderella dress – RIGHT NOW! I had said no…so as a good parent I had to carry through. Which meant I had to drag her kicking, screaming and clothesless out of the room. Great start to the visit.

• When asked if she liked to play outside, our 3-yr-old said, “I can’t go outside because I don’t want to step in all the dog poop.” Huh??

• Somehow when the social worker asked our girls to show her their rooms, they heard, “Please race through the house, spring off the back of the couch, and then jump on your beds. Then rip the covers off the beds and hide under them.”

• We had just returned from vacation and I suggested that the girls go get the pictures to show her. This turned into an all-out war as my girls returned each holding onto one side of a photo. They pulled and screamed until the younger let go, flying back into a shelf and hitting her head.

• I think the culmination was this exchange:

Worker: “Wow! Your home is so nice and neat. Mine isn’t usually this clean.”

Abby: “Yeah – neither is ours.”

What can I say? It was a MEMORABLE experience. And our very kind social worker told us at the end that we were a lovely family and she would approve us for up to two more children. We’re moving forward in faith…

Honestly, would you have been so kind?

Around day 3, I started to notice a strange similarity that crossed race and cultural boundaries. Parents from around the world had paid a lot of money to come to Disney, but instead of quality family time, they were texting, sending emails or talking on the phone. I know this happens everyday. I know I do this everyday. But for some reason it was a powerful realization. As I watched – really watched – the children as they walked silently alongside parents who were so UNengaged, it was a real wake-up call.

Editorial Note: This is not my family. If it were, the mom would be texting and the dad would be rolling his eyes.

At one late night family meal, I watched a father on his iPhone through the entire hour dinner. His wife was tending to a screaming child while his parents-in-law sat by helplessly. Not ONCE did he even look up at his family. It made me wonder if it would do less damage to his family if he just didn’t join them. I’m honestly not sure which is worse – an absent parent or a physically present parent who blatantly demonstrates that he has no interest in his family.

The last couple days of vacation I intentionally left my Blackberry in the hotel room. I made sure that my vacation priority was not about staying plugged in, but rather about plugging in to my family. I’m in the process of taking a close look at my personal boundaries and practicing more “unplugged parenting.”

What limits do you set on your technology usage?

I’ve received so much encouragement since I shared a couple weeks ago about our upcoming adoption of a little boy from Ethiopia. So many people want to know what they can do to help. We’re working through budgets, documents, and details now, but above all I’m asking for prayer. Every night as I lay down, I am overwhelmed with the realization that I have a son across the world in Africa. I don’t know who he is yet, but I know he’s there. And whatever terrible situation occurs (death of parents, family unable to feed their children, abandonment) to cause him to be an orphan,  it is likely happening now.

Orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

Pete Wilson, in his book Plan B, says “The greatest of all illusions is the illusion of control.” As a mother, I’ve always intended to put my children’s well-being in God’s hands. But the truth is, from pregnancy on, I’ve felt responsible for feeding them, protecting them, and loving them. I’ve been under the illusion of control when it comes to my family. Now, as we follow a very God-directed plan to adopt from Africa, there is no more illusion that I can protect all my children. As I pray each night for our son, I truly put my child in God’s care.

So tonight as you tuck your children into bed, I’d love for you to say a prayer for a little boy in Ethiopia who is resting in the hands of God.

There are an estimated 147 million orphans in the world.

Last fall I shared that God was asking me for full submission. Submit my plans, submit my tendency to control. I didn’t know what, but I knew something was coming.

Now I know…we’re going to Africa, to Ethiopia.  Actually, we’ll be going twice next year. On the second trip, we’ll be bringing home a new family member….our son.

Believe me, I can tell you all the reasons this makes no sense. In my conversations with God, I tried to use my analytics, my persuasion, even my ability to negotiate. It’s funny how skills that are so highly valued in the business world are so totally useless with the Lord.

I told him surely he’d rather ask this of my great stay-at-home mom friends. He told me that he didn’t ask to use Aaron, he asked Moses to go.

I told him that it wouldn’t be smart…think of all the unknowns. What if this had a negative impact on my two beautiful, happy, healthy girls? As a parent, it wouldn’t be responsible. He told me that he asked Abraham to lay everything on the altar…even his children.

So I can tell you all the reasons this makes no sense, but I can tell you one reason that it does….God asked us to. So we’re going. We’re scared. We’re excited. We’re humbled that God would use us in this way. Above all, we’re not in control, and it’s so much better that way.

“My Mother is the most wonderful Mom in the world!

Her favorite food is fruit.

She is as pretty as a rose.

She weights 115 lbs. and is 5.5 feet tall.

I think Mom looks funny when she dances.

I know she’s really angry when she doesn’t get her way.”

This kid knows me way too well. Possibly with the exception of the 115 lbs. Last time I checked, it was…ahem…116.

What have your kids said lately that caught you off guard?

When I fly, I’m always drawn to the SkyMall catalog. And with Christmas just a few days away, I wanted to make sure you were aware of these gifting gems, all currently available at SkyMall:

An aluminum wine-safe that is FAA approved to carry 12 bottles of wine on your flight with you. Their slogan is “Leave no wine behind.” I think it should be “Leave no win-o behind.”

Video Recording Sunglasses with a built-in video camera to let you discreetly record all that you see. Ummm…creepy. These are probably the same people buying “The only picture taking night vision binoculars.”

A portable microwave oven with a DC adapter so you can use it in your car. Isn’t that what drive thru’s are for??

The marshmallow shooter. OK, all kidding aside, I hope this shows up in my stocking.

A remote-controlled tarantula. Yep, I know what I’m getting my sister’s kids for Christmas. She’ll never forgive me.

Adult-sized footed pajamas fits up to 6’7”/260 lbs. I think we may do our family Christmas card pic in these next year. Joel, are you in?

Seat pair from the original Yankee stadium. $1,499 includes the original beer stains and sweat scent. It makes a great addition to the $99 “Freeze-dried grass from the original Yankee stadium.

“The slanket” - Apparently the Snuggie has competition!

The Hollywood Cookie Diet. If anyone has tried this, please contact me personally before I waste $60. So tempting…

Pants Un-heeled. Your “sole-u-tion” to the annoying pants/heel wedgie. What is a pants/heel wedgie? That annoying occurrence when your pants creep under your heel when you’re wearing open-back heels. Where have you been all my life? I am totally buying these.

Solafeet, a small tanning bed for your feet. “Golfers, rid yourself of those ugly sock tan lines forever.” Proof that we really do have many significant worries here in America.

A doggie-DNA test kit. Seriously? What dog wants to find out that his mom was prowling around?

The square root watch. Instead of the hour markers, each is represented as a square root that translates into whole numbers. Ad says “Brainy math types will love this watch, but why should they have all the fun?” This was obviously created by a lonely, brainy math type who for the life of him…can’t figure out why he is alone.

Yes, those are all real. I couldn’t make it up if I tried. Another tribute to good old-fashioned American excess.

Hope this helps as you fight the crowds looking for the perfect last-minute gift.

“Each of us tends to think we see things the way they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are – or, as what we are conditioned to see.” – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I’m re-reading some books that were impactful at some point in my life. As a new college graduate, I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and took away some great lessons. As I’m reading it now, different points seems to jump out.

After sharing the quote above, Stephen Covey talks about how there are times in our life that we experience a paradigm shift, sometimes suddenly.

Recently I spent a week at Disney with my family. One day we came upon a street band in one of the parks. My kids perked up and listened, but my attention focused on a woman across the crowd dancing with reckless abandon with one of her kids. I mean, she was really into this…and she really lacked any rhythm. I snickered and pointed her out to Joel. He grabbed his FLIP video camera and starting shooting as we laughed. Surely our friends at home would enjoy a good laugh over this.

But suddenly as some of the crowd moved, we noticed the buttons and t-shirts the lady and her child were wearing…”Make a Wish”, as in “The Make a Wish Foundation.” As we looked closer, it became obvious that her child was very ill. Joel put down his camera and starting trying to delete the recording. I was speechless and embarassed.

In one moment, we went from viewing this lady as kinda nutty to seeing the situation for what it really was….a mom totally focused on enjoying a “Wish Come True” day (among what could be a limited number of days) with her child.

We were wrong. It makes me wonder how many times in life I don’t see things for what they truly are. Maybe I’m too busy judging or too caught up in my point of view to really see the whole picture.