Agent Mom

This is really tough for me, but I’m learning to admit that I’m a work in progress. And as a work in progress, I’m not….perfect. There I said it.

I have always been a perfectionist. I vividly remember crying in my seat in third grade because a math problem was challenging to me. I wanted everything to come easily and I wanted an A+.

As I grew up, the struggle continued in different areas. As a newlywed, I tried so hard to make everyone think that we were the perfect couple – no arguing, no financial struggles, none of the common newlywed “issues.” The truth was that we fought more during our first year of newlywed “bliss” than we have at any other point in our marriage. And I remember heading to the scratch and dent grocery store with $25 to purchase two weeks of groceries.

As a new mom, I wanted nothing more than to show up at church with the smiling baby all fixed up, myself dressed to perfection and just smile and say “We’re doing great. She’s sleeping through the night already” when my amazed friends asked how I could have a newborn and be put so together.

Reality found me toting around baby weight with nothing in my closet that fit. And my perfect baby – well, she did sleep through the night early on, but that was the only thing that kept me sane since she cried every waking moment. I was crushed when I overheard someone at church say, “That is the grouchiest baby I’ve every met.”

A year ago I went back to work full-time. I am blessed to have a job I love. I am grateful to have an opportunity to work with so many amazing ministries and leaders. But again I find myself in a zone of perfectionism. I’d like to be super woman. I want everyone to be amazed that I have it all! But the truth is that every day is a struggle.

I often feel guilty that I’m not giving as much to my job as I did before I had kids. I often struggle to remain connected and spend quality time with my kids at the end of the day when I am exhausted. And there are many things that I don’t have time for anymore. I have had to resign from volunteer positions. I rarely have time to sit over a cup of coffee with a friend. And I have to dust my treadmill off before I use it once a month.

The last few years God continues to deal with me on the issue of pride. When I realize that the root of all my attempts at perfection is pride, it looks a little different. Rather than disguising it as an attempt to “give it my all” or “be the best I can be,” I now realize that this has nothing to do with others and everything to do with my selfish desires.

What a relief to know that I can let go of the super-woman syndrome. I was created to bring glory to God. My attempt at perfectionism is not an attempt to bring glory to God, but rather to bring glory to Shannon. In fact, it takes away my ability to rely on God and therefore stifles the ways He can use me. When I turn everything – the perfect, the imperfect and the grouchy baby – over to Him, He can be glorified.

Happy Valentine’s Day! After 12 years of marriage, I can say with great certainty that I love and respect my husband Joel even more today than when I married him at the juvenile age of 20.

Here are a few reasons I love my husband:

1. Have you seen him? I mean, come on. I certainly don’t want to put too much emphasis on appearance, but in his mid-30’s, he still gets glances from teenage girls when he walks by. Yes, I notice. And no, I can’t blame them.

2. HE never notices when the girls look his way. Humility has never been one of my strongest attributes. I am constantly amazed at his ability to downplay a success or pass credit to someone else. I have so much to learn!

3. We’ve grown up together, in so many ways. I can remember our first date when I casually quipped, “I know your type!” I have probably never been more wrong in all my life. I was basing my judgment on his confidence. Little did I know that he was nothing like the cocky guy I expected.

4. Romance My husband sent me flowers every week (yes, literally EVERY week) during our 8-month engagement. The ladies at my work would tell me “Enjoy it while it lasts.” 12 years later, I’m happy to say that it lasted. I don’t get flowers every week (one look at his credit card statements once we were married but an end to that) but he still surprises me with flowers, gifts, notes and weekend getaways (note the picture above from a trip to NYC in the fall).

5. The “Metro” factor My husband is a perfect balance between metro and macho. At any given moment, he would have a difficult time deciding between a trip to the spa and a trip to watch a UFC fight.

6. The “Daddy” factor No matter how good-looking or romantic a man is, I know many women will agree with me that nothing is as attractive as a man that loves his children. I hear him talking to our baby as he rocks her at night and know that my girls will grow up knowing exactly what kind of man they should marry.

7. Spiritual leadership OK – maybe just one thing is more attractive than loving his children, and that is loving the Lord. I watch my husband take late night calls from college students in his college ministry or those in his small group. I see him reading, studying and seeking wisdom. I know he loves God way more than he loves me, and I couldn’t be happier!

8. Priorities Never in a million years would we have guessed 12 years ago that we’d be living where we live or doing what we do, but our priorities have always remained the same. We’ve been through some really tough things but keeping focus on what is important has been and will always be our anchor.

Thanks to my Pastor for sharing this in church today. Could this be the answer to reaching a lost generation for the Lord?

Watch in its entirety. The finale is not to be missed.

Happy Tuesday to all my mom friends! This is for you -

One day a man came home and found his house a disaster. The kids were still in their pajamas outside playing in the mud. Empty food boxes and wrappers littered the house. Dishes were on the counter, dog food was all over the floor and a broken glass lay under the table. Toys and clothes cluttered the playroom and a lamp was lying on its side.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, looking for his wife. He was worried that she was sick, or that something worse might have happened. He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked, “How was your day?”

“What in the world happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?”

“Yes. . . ?”

“Well, today I didn’t do it!

This story is from Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN, BSN.

For me it is all the countless details that I keep in my head (schedules, bills, kids needs, etc.) that I sometimes wish others could see and appreciate. I KNOW my family appreciates me, but sometimes I don’t think anyone really gets ALL the details a mom handles in any given day.

What is for you? What do you do that you doesn’t receive appropriate recognition?